India, a country of miscellany, a country where one can forecast road traffic by contemplating timings of a cricket match, where self appointed godmen earns more than film stars, where cows rein the road traffic. But don’t forget, where there is a cow there is cow dung too. So here I have made collection of most popular and biggest excrements of the year 2013 by Indians, be proud because we are scaling new heights.
1. Babagiri flushed
I can proudly say that this is the year when the first FIR is launched against the self appointed godman Nirmaljeet Singh Nerula alias Nirmal Baba. “Our aim is not to spread superstition but to lessen it” says the godfella when questioned regarding deposition of 109 crore in his account within three months, “where did this money come from?” you may ask for which he had already given answer that this money came as a “gift” from his preachers for the magical solutions for their woes. This makes me wonder why shouldn’t I become a baba. It is simple
Devotee: Baba I don’t have a girlfriend
Me: your problem is solvable
Devotee: how? Baba
Me: Transfer your salary into my account . B|
And if you think that ^this is stupid then brace yourself because I am now about to share an instance from Nirmal Darbar (his commune).
Devotee: baba, It’s been three years of marriage still I don’t have a child, give me some solution.
Nirmal Baba: Eat four samosas with green chutney and share with your neighbours too. You’ll be blessed.
Why not?! Eat a samosa and tomorrow you will become father!
Still this man practically earns more than Salman Khan.
Incredible India *salutes*
2. Whipped off
2013 for sports will always be remembered by Indians as retiring year of cricket legend Sachin Tendulkar but as bad penny always turns up, this year in IPL spot fixing Indian fast bowler Sreesanth had been handed a life ban by BCCI along with team-mate spinner According to police he took 10L of advance, he was caught by the towel which was putted up to signal.
He became the sensation on social media as the facebook was flooded with towel jokes. Why not as this towel deity had changed many lives like Ranbir Kapoor in Saawariya or Sunny Leone (the ones who know when not to use it), this girl has practically become the Voldemort of social meetings as everywhere I go I find people asking “do you have anything new of ‘you know who’ *wink*”. And when you see her rain dance performance in an Award function you will know that she is not just a trend she is a phenomenon, and what made her that? hmm..? The Towel! But this towel deity is like the Thor’s hammer, it won’t protect you unless you deserve it. Poor guy, victim of this god’s wrath.
Chennai Express, some liked it some doesn’t so I cannot comment on its worth but one thing I am certain of is that the Obama is a dim-witted daft, why? Because while his prolong fight against chemical weaponries he was too intelligent to notice the rise of an another terrorist culture in India, Idiocracy Terrorism. Apart from traditional terrorism its roots originated from the minds of Karan Johar and Abhinav Kashyap. For budding this empire Shahrukh Khan because of his consistent satisfying performance in initiating vast brain damage took the responsibility and become a self appointed Laden.
Idiocracy terrorists are not amateurs, they had already implanted the seed of inanity in the minds of Indian audience and the symptoms are slight visible as Chennai Express earned a profit 212 crore. Behold because this is just a start, they have a plan, which goes like this.
-Aim: To destroy subject’s reasoning power and ability to differentiate between sensible and lame.
-Weapon used: Ra-one (2011)
-Aim: To make the subjects believe that human stupidity has no limits.
-Weapon used: Jab tak hai jaan (2012)
-Aim: To implant stupidity deep inside subject’s mind so that they lose full rationality.
-Weapon used: Chennai Express (2013)
Don’t know what will happen next but one thing is for sure that it is spreading, the infection, and if not stopped then soon we will became brainless zombies, running towards cinema hall to feed on stupidity for survival. God save us.
4. The Big Shit
Saved the best one for the last. When the whole nation is enchanting NaMo mantras and from somewhere a wave of common man shakes the whole country then the chaos is inevitable but in this whole turmoil are we forgetting someone? Yes! That 43 year old “young leader” and where we can find him? Maybe he is somewhere for a village tour in his Mercedes or maybe he has just found the pappu from dairy milk add and fighting over “who is the bigger pappu” or maybe he is just as usual hiding behind his momma’s sari. Sometimes when I picture the dinner table conversations in the Gandhi family it gives me a severe headache.
Let me tell you how.
Rahul: Momma! Momma! I have an Idea. Why don’t we, for a change, tell the media the accurate money fraud in the 2G scam? It will earn us some votes for honesty. And also it is a small amount in front of our money pile
Sonia: Ohhhh…my little boy growing up very fast, started thinking about work, but mind it if you ever think of disclosing ANY fraud I will cancel your prime minister candidature and also you will be grounded for a month….dont think too much my moonpie, let momma do her work.
Rahul: Ok Momma. And can I have I girlfriend?
Sonia: NO! You need to maintain your young image.
Rahul: or some fancy clothes?
Sonia: NO! No compromise in simplicity.
Rahul: OK then what about a shave
Sonia: NO! you need to show that you are a hard working man.
Rahul: hmm…then what I have to do today?
Sonia: Just fun. Reading some speeches, inaugurating little companies and a lots and lots of garlands
Don’t know what more tensions lying ahead for congress but in this entire apprehension and hostility news channels had just become a gala but with one thing sure that this pappu can’t dance saala!